The boy nobody loved - TOC

 This is a fantasy. It is not real. But it is loosely based on my life.


Popular posts from this blog

ID 101 - 4: The voices

Image
We all have, at least, a little voice in our heads. While I was entangled in a mainstream reality, I interpreted these simply as the typical good voice / bad voice and attributed it to what everybody calls a conscience. As my spiritual awareness developed, these became more nuanced. Once we are introduced to concepts such as that of a Higher Self, an Eternal Soul, Spirit Guides, Spirit Teachers, and Spirits and Ancestors, the ideas of voices in the head becomes worthy of much more attention. Voices are not necessarily “voices”. They can be images, visions, sounds, feelings, “sensing”, smells, or almost anything at all. It is easy to see how easy it would be to misinterpret anything that comes out of our head/mind … a dream is not necessarily a premonition. It could be an expression of what happened to us, of our brain processing certain information. Similarly, a voice, can be created by our imagination. And everything we feel, hear, see, and whatnot is interpreted by the limited unders
Read more

Quora - July 16, 2023: Complex systems

Image
Can someone with a polyfragmented system help explain it a bit more? We've looked it up, and usually the top results say polyfragmented systems are defined by a high alter count. Is this true, or is there more that goes into it? (We will be doing more research!) TW: Mention different types of abuse Ok, this is our theory of how complex systems work. This is based from talking to others as well as our own personal experience. Let’s start with the diagram. At the top level we have brain inputs/outputs. Below that we have conscious/unconscious, etc. Structural Dissociation creates an additional layer of consciousness that enables the separation between body (physical) consciousness, and other levels of consciousness. Then, we consider trauma that starts too early for any sensible degree of integration between action systems (see Theory of Structural Dissociation, a few references are available here: References ) This means that early on, instead of developing a single personality, a c
Read more

Multiplicity and Neurodivergence

Image
This blog is more for me than it is intended to have an audience. It is my way to express myself. 🤓 I don't care if you don't, but I would love it if you did like it 😁 Here is a summary of how our host feels sometimes: The host I am! Different versions of me materialize through me They become me, or I them, which is uncertain. Sometimes there’s many, ebbing and flowing sometimes there’s one,  just being. I am! When they are there and when they are not, I am When they are there, I am them. When they are not ... who am I? Am I? To help you navigate through the website, here are some tags: Identity 101 is a diary/analysis that System 5 (2002-2022) wrote when he was becoming aware of our multiplicity. Prior to this, he was not unaware of it - it just was "normal" to him, so he never thought it needed analysing. However, at a point he recognised that his "complex" personality had little secrets in store for him. Here is his chronicle of his jo
Read more

Quora - July 26, 2023: Non-traumagenic systems

Image
 I am just going to talk hypothetically for fun, but can find some more detailed references here if needed  . So, Can someone develop DID without having gone through any specific trauma? I guess that depends on what your definition of DID/Dissociated identity is, and how you believe it is created as a disorder. From that it is possible to then derive whether there would non-traumagenic experiences comparable to traumagenic ones that could have created the dissociated selves. With the exception of PTSD, it is commonly accepted that all dissociative disorders originate early on during the developmental phases of human existence . It is also commonly believed that repeated trauma prevents the association of different action systems, and that we are born dissociated to start with . Internal Family System even asserts that everybody is in essence a multiple, although it is quick to call those sub-personality types, which is not quite the same as having different consciousness sharing the
Read more

Diary - 2023, March 24

Image
No Name Everyone before me loved our first name. “The man” used it to hurt us and make us feel we were not even worthy of our name. “Pft … Angel … fallen angel more like … “ Or “You are not an angel, you’re the devil!” And “Those people who named you must have been out of their mind … angel … you make me laugh!” Without forgetting: “You have the devil in you …” and “You are possessed by demons!” And that was probably the reason why the boys loved their name. It was the only good thing that the biological parent gave him. Angels are a symbol of strength, and purity; they’re messengers of Love and Justice. So, every one of the boys loved that name. Especially 5. He felt it represented well his identity. And that it did. 5 was pretty much an Angel. Loving, but also not afraid of hate. Ying and Yang. Two sides of the same coin. Darkness and Light in one single package. He was very apt at managing this inner conflict. Good, within reason. Bad, within reason. His e
Read more