Auti-multiplicity

Sometimes we try to intentionally trigger painful flashbacks. There are a number of reasons why that might be the case. It does depend on how one processed the trauma, and where one is on their healing journey. Here I am going to give you just one theory. 🙂 Background So, let’s start by saying that it is now fully acknowledged that personalities are naturally made up of parts . So, for example, let’s pretend that we find a person sexy, but we know they have a repulsive personality. Our decision of having sex with them depends on whether our horny part or our sensible one wins the internal debate.  However, these parts can actually take on lives of their own when we move on to trauma. Let’s start with the “basic” PTSD-inducing trauma, which causes primary dissociation . During trauma, our part-system creates a new part to handle the trauma. A so called Emotional Part. Now that part holds on to the all the neurological configuration at the time of the traumatic event. This in...

From personal experience, adult trauma can be overcome. It is possible to heal. In my case, I don’t know if it is because I had prior experience, so to speak, but I have been able to recover from stuff that happened in adulthood when given the chance. I guess we are talking about primary dissociation. Overall, when having the opportunity to talk about and process events and fallout, it is possible to put it all behind. Even when repeated over time (in my experience periods of up to 3 years of daily repetition of trauma) can be overcome when one dedicates appropriate time and effort to healing. Childhood trauma however stays. I guess that is what is called chronic. One may have periods of remission, sometimes lasting even long spells. Even decades. But there are relapses. That is simply the brain develops and works differently. This is what I learnt by living with my brain for a long-ish amount of time: Certainly when one experiences childhood trauma they will be more likely to develop ...

What is your routine and structure for your parts work? Please share about the steps you take that have worked for you in connecting with your parts in a healing way. This is a very insightful question that we are grateful for as it enables us to focus our attention and analysis on a review of our current perspective, approach, and circumstances. It will be great to hear comments from others. Setting the scene Since we became aware of our multiplicity, we have changed our approach to parts work to reflect the improved understanding of their needs. Firstly, the host split twice. As our host has functioned as a gatekeeper amongst his many roles, that has meant that our whole "gatekeeping" has changed. The original host was mainly a business manager. And he used to manage life as a business. He was incredibly efficient, and our system run like clockwork. He was the one who discovered our multiplicity, analysed it, and came up with a plan on how to develop our system fairly and e...

  Flashbacks Since the last support group meeting, we have been somewhat unsettled. The littles have been troubled by memories of feelings. Being locked away. Being hated. The unknown. Terror. Confusion. Darkness. There have been memories of sensations too. Being thrown. Being squashed. Difficulty breathing. Not being allowed to move. Fainting. Looking around confused, not knowing what had happened. A room. A chair. A child slowing crouching more and more as the hours go by until he falls to the ground. He opens his eyes, confused, uncertain why he is lying on the mat. Dry saliva streaking through the side of his face. How long had he been there? His pain is unknown to world. His tears make no sound. His deep desolate sighs are as silent as the sound of desperation. In space. Because everybody knows that in space no one can hear you scream! The littles have been remembering all of this. One flashback after another. Each the same. In that room. Alone. Unable to mov...

My memories How do people remember? Does my memory work very differently from other people? It seems to be an issue with some. They don’t seem to value my memories the way I do. They find me vague. It seems to cause friction. How do people remember? I do not have memories of events. I do not remember that a certain day I did something specific, and then something else happened. I only have three memories that are contiguous and almost complete. The day I was given away. The day I was “taken in”. And the day I was locked away. Those are the only events that my mind was able to piece together from the myriad of fragments floating in the darkness that fills my consciousness. After this my boys made the conscious decision that they don’t want to assemble fragments and remember. Those are the only memories that contain the story, the dialogues, the sounds, the weather, the faces of the people, the environment, my feelings, their feelings, the jingle of the coins, the tones of the voices, th...