Auti-multiplicity

We are not yet formally diagnosed other than having some form of DDs … but when comparing our experiences to others, we are more likely to get labelled OSDD-2 or UDD. Switching has been morphing lately. Our inner structure and composition is changing greatly and very rapidly, and this has affected how switches occur. We have multiple systems that each have subsystems. These most often are grouped by age groups, although lately we have had systems organising according to experiences, or personality type (what we call identity streams). So a member (whether a full self, a fragment, a part, or a facet) can join more than one system. So, someone who experience a certain type of abuse at a certain times will become a member of the relevant age group system, the identity stream of those specific personality traits, as well as the system of those who share the same type of experiences. We are still trying to work out what the implications of this are because it seems to be changing considerab...

Can someone with a polyfragmented system help explain it a bit more? We've looked it up, and usually the top results say polyfragmented systems are defined by a high alter count. Is this true, or is there more that goes into it? (We will be doing more research!) TW: Mention different types of abuse Ok, this is our theory of how complex systems work. This is based from talking to others as well as our own personal experience. Let’s start with the diagram. At the top level we have brain inputs/outputs. Below that we have conscious/unconscious, etc. Structural Dissociation creates an additional layer of consciousness that enables the separation between body (physical) consciousness, and other levels of consciousness. Then, we consider trauma that starts too early for any sensible degree of integration between action systems (see Theory of Structural Dissociation, a few references are available here: References ) This means that early on, instead of developing a single personality, a c...

Ok, I am going to give a bit of a different perspective. We are a multiplicity, and I am the one in charge of “depression”. But we don’t call it that, we call it the sadness because we find the term depression very invalidating. I am Triste (which means Sad in Italian). So, let me first dispel a myth. Depression and Anxiety (that’s Timor in our system) are often curable. Example 1: curable Let me give you an example: OMG I run out of milk for my cereals, it is raining, and Getir is not going to be here for at least 37 minutes! That situation can trigger both anxiety and depression … and it is bearable and curable. Example 2: is it curable? And the one above is a good example of why anxiety and depression are invalidating, if we think: OMG I am alive and I can’t stop breathing! The whole living/unliving thing takes a different perspective. Woah! So, it depends where the sadness and fear originated. If we are sad because of current events, and that causes us anxiety, that it likely to b...

 AI helps me understand my inner world! OK, so, my Littles have been trying to explain to me what their first protectors look like. I have always been a little reticent, admittedly. Mainly because my artistic skills are somewhat lacking … but also because I don’t know anyone that can draw for me … And I must confess I don’t understand them (the kids) in much depth (it’s more a visceral, primal connection), which I obviously try to remedy 😬 But they kept at it, of course, as kids should … so we started trying some AI. I got bored pretty quickly but they kept learning tirelessly … and as I am a kinda grandad … I smile and endured, so to speak. And we got some good results. We used anime style because it is the one the littles like the most. Ghost So, this is Ghost. The very first protector for our babies and toddlers And of course, they’re great with kids of all ages … Apparently, Ghost used to take the kids on long dissociative journeys to wondrous lands … Something similar to chil...

  Intense week TW______________________ Losing a host - - - - - - - - - As is customary when we write, anybody in the system who wants to contribute is blended in, providing an interestingly balanced mix of views and perspectives. It has been a rollercoaster, we have had some very negative experiences, but these were interspersed with wonderfully fulfilling ones. As always, inner life is easier than anything that happens IRL. I’ll start with the biggest bad news of the week as it has had a considerable impact. This week, our last host “disappeared”. We called him #7 because we believe he was the 7th reincarnation of that specific host. We noticed that when we carry out a specific task, the host always ends up “breaking” and being replaced. This happened again on Monday after he did what he had to do. For us, the death of a host is devastating. Our inner world is quite limited. Therefore, the host is usually the one with the closest relationship to all the member of our inner fam....

From personal experience, adult trauma can be overcome. It is possible to heal. In my case, I don’t know if it is because I had prior experience, so to speak, but I have been able to recover from stuff that happened in adulthood when given the chance. I guess we are talking about primary dissociation. Overall, when having the opportunity to talk about and process events and fallout, it is possible to put it all behind. Even when repeated over time (in my experience periods of up to 3 years of daily repetition of trauma) can be overcome when one dedicates appropriate time and effort to healing. Childhood trauma however stays. I guess that is what is called chronic. One may have periods of remission, sometimes lasting even long spells. Even decades. But there are relapses. That is simply the brain develops and works differently. This is what I learnt by living with my brain for a long-ish amount of time: Certainly when one experiences childhood trauma they will be more likely to develop ...

This is a tricky one for us. There is an ambivalence, a conflict of interests, so to speak. Let me explain. Sometimes I agree with the experts, some others I vehemently don’t … however DDs come on such a high spectrum that I do not discount anything. Likely, everything is possible and valid. Also, my answer revolves around my current knowledge. I might change my mind on some details as I become more knowledgeable. But so, let’s get down to it. Memories are what gives us and hold together our identity. In fact, each memory holds a slice of our identity. A memory is not simply an anecdotal reference. It contains important information relating a person state of mind, way of thinking, feeling, perspective, and much more. And that is why the most basic dissociative defence is to break down the memories into harmless chunks (dissociative amnesia). I think this is what is meant when people talk about a “fragments”. Certainly that is the case for me. In fact, before the age of 3, and possibly ...