The Haunted Self

-

Popular posts from this blog

Diary - 2023, March 24

-
Image
No Name Everyone before me loved our first name. “The man” used it to hurt us and make us feel we were not even worthy of our name. “Pft … Angel … fallen angel more like … “ Or “You are not an angel, you’re the devil!” And “Those people who named you must have been out of their mind … angel … you make me laugh!” Without forgetting: “You have the devil in you …” and “You are possessed by demons!” And that was probably the reason why the boys loved their name. It was the only good thing that the biological parent gave him. Angels are a symbol of strength, and purity; they’re messengers of Love and Justice. So, every one of the boys loved that name. Especially 5. He felt it represented well his identity. And that it did. 5 was pretty much an Angel. Loving, but also not afraid of hate. Ying and Yang. Two sides of the same coin. Darkness and Light in one single package. He was very apt at managing this inner conflict. Good, within reason. Bad, within reason. His e...
Read more

ID 101 - 4: The voices

-
Image
We all have, at least, a little voice in our heads. While I was entangled in a mainstream reality, I interpreted these simply as the typical good voice / bad voice and attributed it to what everybody calls a conscience. As my spiritual awareness developed, these became more nuanced. Once we are introduced to concepts such as that of a Higher Self, an Eternal Soul, Spirit Guides, Spirit Teachers, and Spirits and Ancestors, the ideas of voices in the head becomes worthy of much more attention. Voices are not necessarily “voices”. They can be images, visions, sounds, feelings, “sensing”, smells, or almost anything at all. It is easy to see how easy it would be to misinterpret anything that comes out of our head/mind … a dream is not necessarily a premonition. It could be an expression of what happened to us, of our brain processing certain information. Similarly, a voice, can be created by our imagination. And everything we feel, hear, see, and whatnot is interpreted by the limited unders...
Read more

Quora - July 11, 2023: Compartmentalizing depression & anxiety

-
Image
Ok, I am going to give a bit of a different perspective. We are a multiplicity, and I am the one in charge of “depression”. But we don’t call it that, we call it the sadness because we find the term depression very invalidating. I am Triste (which means Sad in Italian). So, let me first dispel a myth. Depression and Anxiety (that’s Timor in our system) are often curable. Example 1: curable Let me give you an example: OMG I run out of milk for my cereals, it is raining, and Getir is not going to be here for at least 37 minutes! That situation can trigger both anxiety and depression … and it is bearable and curable. Example 2: is it curable? And the one above is a good example of why anxiety and depression are invalidating, if we think: OMG I am alive and I can’t stop breathing! The whole living/unliving thing takes a different perspective. Woah! So, it depends where the sadness and fear originated. If we are sad because of current events, and that causes us anxiety, that it likely to b...
Read more

Multiplicity and Neurodivergence

-
Image
This blog is more for me than it is intended to have an audience. It is my way to express myself. 🤓 I don't care if you don't, but I would love it if you did like it 😁 Here is a summary of how our host feels sometimes: The host I am! Different versions of me materialize through me They become me, or I them, which is uncertain. Sometimes there’s many, ebbing and flowing sometimes there’s one,  just being. I am! When they are there and when they are not, I am When they are there, I am them. When they are not ... who am I? Am I? To help you navigate through the website, here are some tags: Identity 101 is a diary/analysis that System 5 (2002-2022) wrote when he was becoming aware of our multiplicity. Prior to this, he was not unaware of it - it just was "normal" to him, so he never thought it needed analysing. However, at a point he recognised that his "complex" personality had little secrets in store for him. Here is his chronicle of his jo...
Read more

Quora - July 6, 2023: Appreciating my selves

-
Image
We have been going through a period of intense instability, and that is why we want to validate the efforts of some of our members. Memories have been flooding in for some of our youngest. We found quite a few “new” littles and middles, and have been trying to keep a semblance of normality while dealing with the internal turmoil. Everybody has been soldiering on, so to speak, despite the difficulties, and that alone is a reason to be proud of each and everyone. One of our members, however, had more difficulties than the others. They are a teen, and they are one of our major trauma holders. They come in many versions from a few months old to around 15 year old. Most the the new littles we found were young “copies” of them, all with just fragments of memories. This was understandably difficult. Those memories were … very painful on many levels … not just the factual memories, but the associated kinesthetic and emotional reminders were making denial of those events impossible. Yet, they s...
Read more