Auti-multiplicity

November 25, 2021 As I think about the situation, I get angrier and angrier. The people whom I trusted the most are the ones who hurt me the most. Everyone conspired to kill my soul. I was not “right”. Something was wrong about me. From "father", and that “family”. Then my exes, although the last one is a slightly different case. It seems everyone either used me or twisted what I did and said against me. I don’t know what they saw in me, but it wasn’t the real me. Acceptance A, B, and C were the only people who accepted me and saw my real me. I ponder whether A was like me. Kindred spirit. B and C saw me for who I was. A weird boy with a lot to offer. I guess the “family” calling me a rabid dog had some truth in it. I was a little like a puppy. Always available. Always loving. Always dependable. Loyal to the death. And I still am. Interestingly, nobody seems to notice my intelligence, or my mind, which are my best qualities. They also saw my weaknesses. Clueless. Naïve. Easy

The final decision has been made. I am a crazy person. I have "split personality". But that is such a cool thing. That epitomises survival. Because not only I created multiple personalities, I am also aware of it. And they are going to be together again!!! Ok, every now and then I have to remind myself that it’s ok to be me. I shouldn’t be ashamed of my past. The problem is that I am. Shame figured very prominently throughout my childhood and youth. It was one of many tools in the hands of my “family”. The looks on people faces when I was being publicly and mercilessly castigated for the sin of being alive were hurtful. And that is the reason why I cannot go back to Italy or deal with people who knew me then. So, this process I am going through is painful. It’s not just the memory. It’s the living through it again. It’s the emotions that it stirs in him, as well as me. But so, now that the analysis is complete, is just a matter of recounting how our re-union progresses.   Nov

I AM SO DUMB!!!!!!! It has taken all this effort to finally acknowledge and recognise my missing me. There is another “me” inside “me”. From what I think I have ascertained, I, the personality that is writing this paper, came to be at the beginning of secondary school, around the age of ten. [ED. we later found out that there were teens too, and 5 was is fact the 5th revision of our host] Until then, I believe Lil’ one  did not know how to deal with things. Until then he only dealt with adults. Other children were ghostly figures with whom he did not interact much. ====================================================== Who hasn’t watched and grown to love The Big Bang Theory TV show? Almost everyone I know is at least familiar with it and find it funny. Yet, why is it funny? It’s a show about “normal” people making fun of “nerds”. There is the occasional “revenge of the geek” theme, but it is exceedingly rare. Usually it is about hapless people, going through their boring life, providi

Everything is interconnected. Thoughts, revelations, understandings, don’t follow a linear timeline. Sometimes we understand something after we know it. And sometimes we stop understanding something that was so clear to us. This next section is proof of this point. While everything already detailed was happening, and gradually, over time, my head/mind (not sure which) was also processing/dealing with this chain of thoughts. I love doing psychic work. Not necessarily as an income earner. It’s just exciting to be able to see and understand things that others don’t. Yet, somehow, I cannot do the things I could as a child. This is normal. As we grow older, we lose some of our natural gifts. However, I see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to re-gain those skills with practice. However, true psychic abilities are accentuated when we have a specific state of mind, a different state of awareness. This is often accompanied by following a lifestyle that respects Spiritual principles. This is, p

Mr. Robot As all of this was going on in my head, something strange happened! Mr Robot on IMDB  https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4158110/ The official synopsis reads: Elliot, a brilliant but highly unstable young cyber-security engineer and vigilante hacker, becomes a key figure in a complex game of global dominance when he and his shadowy allies try to take down the corrupt corporation he works for ( imdb.com ) However , the story as I saw it was a different one. Elliot had been abused as a child and had Disassociated Personality Disorder. I did not want to watch it. Yet I was compelled. I could not stop staring at the TV, episode after episode, with my heart in my throat and leaky eyes. Then the last episode of the last season came. The outcome was that Elliot was a new personality that he had created to survive the harm he suffered. But his original personality was too fragile to survive in the real world and could not be re-integrated. I cried. Or rather I watched myself cry. I watched