ID 103 - 5: Neurodivergence

-

Neurodivergence



When I look back at my past, I can see how easy it can be to say that my life story has been following a cycle of abuse that was set in motion before I was even born, and that kept me going around in circles from one relationship to the next.

However, that would be oversimplifying and overgeneralizing a long-standing situation with not easily discernible patterns.

Undoubtedly my family were abusive, and unquestionably my experiences did contribute to developing a pattern of abuse that followed me through my life. However, why did I never find any allies? What didn’t anyone love me the way I loved them? Why was I not able to build a support network around me in the way others do? And why am I always being exploited?

Throughout my life, it would appear I went through at least half a dozen personalities, with a plethora of sub-types. Certainly, I cannot be faulted for my efforts to fit in. My adaptability, flexibility, and willingness to be a productive member of society have gone far beyond the call of duty.

Yet, nobody ever showed me any solidarity, approval, empathy. The most I received was the occasional look of pity. Tolerance at best. Never acceptance.

Family. Friends. Schoolmates. Teachers. Neighbours. Priests. Nuns. And later, colleagues, peers, partners, and more friends.

No matter how many “caring” people I surrounded myself with, I was always alone. Used at first, then abandoned when I outlived my usefulness or had some expectations of my own.

There seems to be some kind of “it” that I am not “getting”.

 

Popular posts from this blog

ID 101 - 4: The voices

-
Image
We all have, at least, a little voice in our heads. While I was entangled in a mainstream reality, I interpreted these simply as the typical good voice / bad voice and attributed it to what everybody calls a conscience. As my spiritual awareness developed, these became more nuanced. Once we are introduced to concepts such as that of a Higher Self, an Eternal Soul, Spirit Guides, Spirit Teachers, and Spirits and Ancestors, the ideas of voices in the head becomes worthy of much more attention. Voices are not necessarily “voices”. They can be images, visions, sounds, feelings, “sensing”, smells, or almost anything at all. It is easy to see how easy it would be to misinterpret anything that comes out of our head/mind … a dream is not necessarily a premonition. It could be an expression of what happened to us, of our brain processing certain information. Similarly, a voice, can be created by our imagination. And everything we feel, hear, see, and whatnot is interpreted by the limited unders
Read more

Quora - July 16, 2023: Complex systems

-
Image
Can someone with a polyfragmented system help explain it a bit more? We've looked it up, and usually the top results say polyfragmented systems are defined by a high alter count. Is this true, or is there more that goes into it? (We will be doing more research!) TW: Mention different types of abuse Ok, this is our theory of how complex systems work. This is based from talking to others as well as our own personal experience. Let’s start with the diagram. At the top level we have brain inputs/outputs. Below that we have conscious/unconscious, etc. Structural Dissociation creates an additional layer of consciousness that enables the separation between body (physical) consciousness, and other levels of consciousness. Then, we consider trauma that starts too early for any sensible degree of integration between action systems (see Theory of Structural Dissociation, a few references are available here: References ) This means that early on, instead of developing a single personality, a c
Read more

Multiplicity and Neurodivergence

-
Image
This blog is more for me than it is intended to have an audience. It is my way to express myself. 🤓 I don't care if you don't, but I would love it if you did like it 😁 Here is a summary of how our host feels sometimes: The host I am! Different versions of me materialize through me They become me, or I them, which is uncertain. Sometimes there’s many, ebbing and flowing sometimes there’s one,  just being. I am! When they are there and when they are not, I am When they are there, I am them. When they are not ... who am I? Am I? To help you navigate through the website, here are some tags: Identity 101 is a diary/analysis that System 5 (2002-2022) wrote when he was becoming aware of our multiplicity. Prior to this, he was not unaware of it - it just was "normal" to him, so he never thought it needed analysing. However, at a point he recognised that his "complex" personality had little secrets in store for him. Here is his chronicle of his jo
Read more

Quora - July 26, 2023: Non-traumagenic systems

-
Image
 I am just going to talk hypothetically for fun, but can find some more detailed references here if needed  . So, Can someone develop DID without having gone through any specific trauma? I guess that depends on what your definition of DID/Dissociated identity is, and how you believe it is created as a disorder. From that it is possible to then derive whether there would non-traumagenic experiences comparable to traumagenic ones that could have created the dissociated selves. With the exception of PTSD, it is commonly accepted that all dissociative disorders originate early on during the developmental phases of human existence . It is also commonly believed that repeated trauma prevents the association of different action systems, and that we are born dissociated to start with . Internal Family System even asserts that everybody is in essence a multiple, although it is quick to call those sub-personality types, which is not quite the same as having different consciousness sharing the
Read more

Quora: May 1, 2023 - Working with Parts in IFS

-
Image
What is your routine and structure for your parts work? Please share about the steps you take that have worked for you in connecting with your parts in a healing way. This is a very insightful question that we are grateful for as it enables us to focus our attention and analysis on a review of our current perspective, approach, and circumstances. It will be great to hear comments from others. Setting the scene Since we became aware of our multiplicity, we have changed our approach to parts work to reflect the improved understanding of their needs. Firstly, the host split twice. As our host has functioned as a gatekeeper amongst his many roles, that has meant that our whole "gatekeeping" has changed. The original host was mainly a business manager. And he used to manage life as a business. He was incredibly efficient, and our system run like clockwork. He was the one who discovered our multiplicity, analysed it, and came up with a plan on how to develop our system fairly and e
Read more