Quora - May 10, 2023: What is an alter?
What's the best way to explain what alters REALLY are to someone who isn't getting it, and just thinks that it's just the body's owner being different and using a different name for it?
I think the problem is that nobody really knows what is going on, so it is impossible to explain. I’ll share my approach, and see how you feel about it.
Even when I think about it, it is a difficult concept to explain. Let me share with you an event that helped me understand.
My littles are left handed. I promised them I would do my best to learn to use my left side more. And in fairness I was always trying. However, I often forgot. One of the agreements was that I’d start eating left-handed for practice. But I kept forgetting at least until I was half-way through a meal. Sometimes I completely forgot.
One day, as I was mindlessly eating holding a spoon with my right hand, my left hand snatched it, filled it and brought it to my mouth in what felt like a fit of rage.
Experientially, it was both endearing and hilarious. I imagine to an observer it would have looked like it was straight out of some crazy 90s comedy movie.
When thinking about it, however, the enormity of the implications became clear to me.
There was a consciousness inside my head that was not my own. External and independent of me.
How does one explain that? I know what it feels like. What it is to negotiate everything I do, every moment of the day, with a bunch of people that by many standards do not exist.
Yet, according to double empathy theory, only someone with a similar experience will be able to understand that. This is demonstrated by the fact that even among multiples, there are many disagreements because people invalidate others simply due to their experiences being different.
Personally, I am trying to refocus my social engagements, whether personal or professional, to people who are similar to me so that sometimes they’ll understand me, and when they don’t, they will accept me anyway.
To me, this is a more productive approach than to try and seek understanding from those who cannot give it.
I wish you the very best on your healing journey 💜
