Quora - May 5, 2023: Communication with selves
Communication in my opinion, is especially ephemeral. It is
one of its principal properties. Whether internally or externally.
Therefore, good communication is a fully reciprocal
iterative process of expression and explanation. Where one first expresses their
opinion then explains what they mean. Although this model does not prevent
misunderstandings, when properly implemented it can resolve them.
“What do you mean?” And “What I mean is” are
commonplace Q&As in appropriately inquisitive interactions.
For example, I’ve known of my little one for a couple of
years. Communication has been consistent and emotionally intense. A few
flashbacks have been shared. We got really close. I knew I was missing
something, but just kept at it.
Sometimes communication was wonderful. Not verbal, but it
was certainly about bonding, spending time together.
Other times it felt a lot like trauma dumping. Intensely
disturbing feelings with situational information would just swirl in my mind
and shake me to the core.
All intermixed with instances of childish joy and frequent
prolonged absences.
How does one evaluate the effectiveness of such highs and
lows and differences in outcomes?
Well, the answer is in Social Skills 101. They are people.
They will often behave age-appropriately, even when they can process
information above their age level. Sometimes they will need time to process the
information. They regularly need to think things through, to research, to
discuss, to formulate opinions … Sometimes they get distracted, or completely
forget a topic or conversation …
And the same is true for whoever Is fronting, hosting, or
whatnot. Are we even in the right place to understand someone else? I know my
selves are often triggered by reading of the conflicts some people have with
their inner family. I guess in our system I am lucky because no matter how much
conflict there is, everyone is always trying to be focused on the common good.
But it has not been easy getting to this level of cooperation.
It is tricky. For example, after two years of talking to my
“inner child” I have only just found out there’s actually three children in the
system plus a few “friendly demons” as they endearingly call them.
How would I assess those years of interactions? I’d say
positively. We developed a bond through many misunderstandings and by sharing
more and more with a commitment to understand each other. That enabled us to value
one another more and more, and to discover many different aspects of our
individualities.
So, in my experience, I’d say it’s about love, empathy,
commitment, and time. Misunderstandings form the basis of understandings.
How are you managing it? 😁💜
