Quora - May 9, 2023: Child selves
Describe a particular time or an ongoing situation where you felt you were acting as a child more than an adult, where it seemed a young child part was in charge.
While you’re doing this, perhaps you can extend some compassion, curiosity, or another of the 8 Cs or 5 Ps to this part. This is a recurring question which will refresh periodically. If you’ve written about this before you can write about the same part here or a different one, whatever you feel like sharing.
I have so many instances … At the moment I am focusing on my child selves and parts. They are at a stage where they know that times are different. They know that the inner world is safe, and they know that they are loved and accepted. Also, they know that they are now allowed to be children. No need to worry about IRL, no fear, no need to protect. They are free.
I have aphantasia, so I don’t have an inner world. We do have a campfire-type-thingy, but there is no fire, just the camp in the darkness. It doesn’t look like much, but it feels like home. There’s lots of love in this corner of my mind. Here my parts gather when they want to share anything. Sadness, joy, fears, hopes, desires, and anything else.
When someone is sad, or upset in any way, someone else will usually spend time with them. Often in complete silence. Just sharing the feeling.
So, it can be difficult to understand who is who, other than by “sensing” and empathy, at least at first. Some can get quite chatty eventually, but it takes time. That means that everything happens very gradually, and understanding can be hampered by this lack of visual cues.
An example. If I understand it correctly, when most people want to spend a day at the beach with their parts, they can simply visualise the event. In contrast, if I want to spend time at the beach with my inner family, I have to physically take a train and travel to a beach.
Although we initially saw this as a difficulty, when looking at the situation I just described, one can see how my way can enable deep and strong bonds!
For example, in summer we like to go to the park, and walk on the grass barefoot. Feel the dew-soaked grass under my feet. Stretch and tense my toes and soles of the feet to maximise the skin surface area touching the ground. Then just lie on the grass and marinating in the life-rays until the skin starts emanating that summery sun-touched smell.
And blending with the kids is simply magical (tbh I wouldn't do this at all if it weren’t for them!).
The 3-year-old has great exteroception. He feels every droplet on each blade of grass. He slowly paces, almost hovering and enjoying touching every millimetre of the huge fields in Epping Forest. I can feel my eyes widening, and my face muscle stretch into a smile that is barely contained by my ears. The sense of joy coming from this child is astounding. And even though it is not my joy, I still experience it vicariously.
The 7-year-old caretaker now doesn’t have to worry about protecting the 3-year-old anymore, so he has the opportunity of enjoying the scenery. He is visual. Colours are brighter, he can see emotions as if they were waves emanating from everything living. He looks around, soaking in the ethereal beauty of the nature surrounding him. I can feel my heart slowing down. a wave of love and compassion filling my heart.
I’m not sure which of them has the gift of smell, but when they are around, everything smells stronger, more pungent. The pollen in the air rubs against the inside of my nostrils as it get stopped by their inner hair.
These are the times when I must obviously look quite childish. I can see parents walking by with their kids looking at me as if I am from a different universe. They don’t seem scared, just perplexed.
I do other things too. For example, I loathe musicals. Yet, a couple of weeks ago I was watching Cinderella, poorly trying to sing along and wearing a mischievously happy smile. I’ll admit that I am glad nobody saw me, but it felt really … I don’t know how to explain it … the little was elated. That made me incredibly happy. Even though I felt and knew that I looked silly.
But I am realising that we never had a childhood. And I did promise them that they could do children stuff. And so, it seems fair that I enable and empower them sometime … I actually really like it. And if it means I’m aging disgracefully, that is fine by me
😁💜
I have aphantasia, so I don’t have an inner world. We do have a campfire-type-thingy, but there is no fire, just the camp in the darkness. It doesn’t look like much, but it feels like home. There’s lots of love in this corner of my mind. Here my parts gather when they want to share anything. Sadness, joy, fears, hopes, desires, and anything else.
When someone is sad, or upset in any way, someone else will usually spend time with them. Often in complete silence. Just sharing the feeling.
So, it can be difficult to understand who is who, other than by “sensing” and empathy, at least at first. Some can get quite chatty eventually, but it takes time. That means that everything happens very gradually, and understanding can be hampered by this lack of visual cues.
An example. If I understand it correctly, when most people want to spend a day at the beach with their parts, they can simply visualise the event. In contrast, if I want to spend time at the beach with my inner family, I have to physically take a train and travel to a beach.
Although we initially saw this as a difficulty, when looking at the situation I just described, one can see how my way can enable deep and strong bonds!
For example, in summer we like to go to the park, and walk on the grass barefoot. Feel the dew-soaked grass under my feet. Stretch and tense my toes and soles of the feet to maximise the skin surface area touching the ground. Then just lie on the grass and marinating in the life-rays until the skin starts emanating that summery sun-touched smell.
And blending with the kids is simply magical (tbh I wouldn't do this at all if it weren’t for them!).
The 3-year-old has great exteroception. He feels every droplet on each blade of grass. He slowly paces, almost hovering and enjoying touching every millimetre of the huge fields in Epping Forest. I can feel my eyes widening, and my face muscle stretch into a smile that is barely contained by my ears. The sense of joy coming from this child is astounding. And even though it is not my joy, I still experience it vicariously.
The 7-year-old caretaker now doesn’t have to worry about protecting the 3-year-old anymore, so he has the opportunity of enjoying the scenery. He is visual. Colours are brighter, he can see emotions as if they were waves emanating from everything living. He looks around, soaking in the ethereal beauty of the nature surrounding him. I can feel my heart slowing down. a wave of love and compassion filling my heart.
I’m not sure which of them has the gift of smell, but when they are around, everything smells stronger, more pungent. The pollen in the air rubs against the inside of my nostrils as it get stopped by their inner hair.
These are the times when I must obviously look quite childish. I can see parents walking by with their kids looking at me as if I am from a different universe. They don’t seem scared, just perplexed.
I do other things too. For example, I loathe musicals. Yet, a couple of weeks ago I was watching Cinderella, poorly trying to sing along and wearing a mischievously happy smile. I’ll admit that I am glad nobody saw me, but it felt really … I don’t know how to explain it … the little was elated. That made me incredibly happy. Even though I felt and knew that I looked silly.
But I am realising that we never had a childhood. And I did promise them that they could do children stuff. And so, it seems fair that I enable and empower them sometime … I actually really like it. And if it means I’m aging disgracefully, that is fine by me
😁💜
