Auti-multiplicity

What are your opinions on system persecutors? Some people say they're evil and others say they're misunderstood. I think they're misunderstood most of the time but what do you think based off personal experience or research? Ok, we are a system (unimaginatively called the Dark System) that has a persecutor sub-system made up of a lot guys from different phases of our lives. Let me tell you about our first persecutors. We were 4–5 year old. We kept getting told “why don’t you just die” or “you should kill yourself”. So, our first persecutors were the dark twins. One used to remind us that we should unlive. The other would look around and find opportunities to do it. But, the twins weren’t hurting us. That was actually soothing. Our middles used to find comfort in those thoughts. And for as twisted and perverse as it may sound, they have been comforting us ever since. When life gets really tough, talking through unliving with them actually keeps us living. After that, we got

 I am just going to talk hypothetically for fun, but can find some more detailed references here if needed  . So, Can someone develop DID without having gone through any specific trauma? I guess that depends on what your definition of DID/Dissociated identity is, and how you believe it is created as a disorder. From that it is possible to then derive whether there would non-traumagenic experiences comparable to traumagenic ones that could have created the dissociated selves. With the exception of PTSD, it is commonly accepted that all dissociative disorders originate early on during the developmental phases of human existence . It is also commonly believed that repeated trauma prevents the association of different action systems, and that we are born dissociated to start with . Internal Family System even asserts that everybody is in essence a multiple, although it is quick to call those sub-personality types, which is not quite the same as having different consciousness sharing the

We are not yet formally diagnosed other than having some form of DDs … but when comparing our experiences to others, we are more likely to get labelled OSDD-2 or UDD. Switching has been morphing lately. Our inner structure and composition is changing greatly and very rapidly, and this has affected how switches occur. We have multiple systems that each have subsystems. These most often are grouped by age groups, although lately we have had systems organising according to experiences, or personality type (what we call identity streams). So a member (whether a full self, a fragment, a part, or a facet) can join more than one system. So, someone who experience a certain type of abuse at a certain times will become a member of the relevant age group system, the identity stream of those specific personality traits, as well as the system of those who share the same type of experiences. We are still trying to work out what the implications of this are because it seems to be changing considerab

Sometimes I don’t know who l am. Has anybody experienced this? Hum, for us it’s the opposite. Sometimes we know who we are, but most often we don’t. It is curious, because we only have just over a dozen systems who have names. We do have some systems without names. We also have (potentially) many more other systems that we don’t recognise individually yet. LIke now … We (the system that is writing this) are aware of everything that we are writing, and of the other systems (we are co-con) but we don’t communicate with them. And we don’t know which system we are. We know what we know, but we don’t know what we don’t know. You will find that a lot of us identity as “me”. Many littles do, but some of us grown ups too. Who is writing this? It is “me”, this “me” here that is typing this… to us it makes sense, and it is actually easier to refer to one another this way. If you ask me who told me something, I know exactly who that “me” is, I can spot them in a crowd of however many there are …

What is it about dissociative disorders that make you feel like you are faking it? And how do you work out what is real? For us, co-consciousness, co-fronting, and co-hosting are what help us understand and delineate each individual self (or system) in our system. So, when we are co-con, or co-fronting, or co-hosting we can see and feel that our reality is composed of multiple identities. Although at this stage we don’t really know how many we have, and who many of them are. When this happens, we can talk to each other, hear each other’s thoughts, feel one another and their feelings. There are lots of clear evidence of how crowded our brain is. Sometimes, however, we switch into a system that does not have any of that awareness. There is no co-whatsit … In these situations we have come to the conclusion that reality doesn’t change. Members of that system still do all the micro-switches and finish each other’s sentences, and share functionality. But it is done in a way that the host orc

Can someone with a polyfragmented system help explain it a bit more? We've looked it up, and usually the top results say polyfragmented systems are defined by a high alter count. Is this true, or is there more that goes into it? (We will be doing more research!) TW: Mention different types of abuse Ok, this is our theory of how complex systems work. This is based from talking to others as well as our own personal experience. Let’s start with the diagram. At the top level we have brain inputs/outputs. Below that we have conscious/unconscious, etc. Structural Dissociation creates an additional layer of consciousness that enables the separation between body (physical) consciousness, and other levels of consciousness. Then, we consider trauma that starts too early for any sensible degree of integration between action systems (see Theory of Structural Dissociation, a few references are available here: References ) This means that early on, instead of developing a single personality, a c

Ok, I am going to give a bit of a different perspective. We are a multiplicity, and I am the one in charge of “depression”. But we don’t call it that, we call it the sadness because we find the term depression very invalidating. I am Triste (which means Sad in Italian). So, let me first dispel a myth. Depression and Anxiety (that’s Timor in our system) are often curable. Example 1: curable Let me give you an example: OMG I run out of milk for my cereals, it is raining, and Getir is not going to be here for at least 37 minutes! That situation can trigger both anxiety and depression … and it is bearable and curable. Example 2: is it curable? And the one above is a good example of why anxiety and depression are invalidating, if we think: OMG I am alive and I can’t stop breathing! The whole living/unliving thing takes a different perspective. Woah! So, it depends where the sadness and fear originated. If we are sad because of current events, and that causes us anxiety, that it likely to b

 AI helps me understand my inner world! OK, so, my Littles have been trying to explain to me what their first protectors look like. I have always been a little reticent, admittedly. Mainly because my artistic skills are somewhat lacking … but also because I don’t know anyone that can draw for me … And I must confess I don’t understand them (the kids) in much depth (it’s more a visceral, primal connection), which I obviously try to remedy 😬 But they kept at it, of course, as kids should … so we started trying some AI. I got bored pretty quickly but they kept learning tirelessly … and as I am a kinda grandad … I smile and endured, so to speak. And we got some good results. We used anime style because it is the one the littles like the most. Ghost So, this is Ghost. The very first protector for our babies and toddlers And of course, they’re great with kids of all ages … Apparently, Ghost used to take the kids on long dissociative journeys to wondrous lands … Something similar to child’s

We have been going through a period of intense instability, and that is why we want to validate the efforts of some of our members. Memories have been flooding in for some of our youngest. We found quite a few “new” littles and middles, and have been trying to keep a semblance of normality while dealing with the internal turmoil. Everybody has been soldiering on, so to speak, despite the difficulties, and that alone is a reason to be proud of each and everyone. One of our members, however, had more difficulties than the others. They are a teen, and they are one of our major trauma holders. They come in many versions from a few months old to around 15 year old. Most the the new littles we found were young “copies” of them, all with just fragments of memories. This was understandably difficult. Those memories were … very painful on many levels … not just the factual memories, but the associated kinesthetic and emotional reminders were making denial of those events impossible. Yet, they s

 This is a sensitive subject for us, and very triggering. I’m sure those who read our answers have endured repeated references to 5. He is a Legend in our system. He was active between 2008 and 2021. He was a kind of “upgrade” from 4 because we acquired lots of new skills and expertise at the time, so he was not created traumagenically. He is the one who understood the complexity of our system. Because of this, he knew that, at least neurologically, he would not be able to manage the whole system and that we needed to “upgrade” to a new host/ANP. He made some very detailed plans of how this should happen organically so that the system would not be destabilised. These were so outstanding, that we are still following them. We often refer to him as T he Architect of our system. Everything would have been perfect, as it was customary for 5. However, he made one single mistake. He accepted a referral to a psychologist. The abusive relationship that ensued, with the extensive invalidation o

Well, there are many different types of “voices”, and each has specific characteristics. The ones I am familiar with are: Inner Selves/Alters/Internal Family systems Intuition/Inspiration Channelling (Spirits or Otherworldly Creatures) “Rumblings” in the ether, so to speak. So, I’ll tell you a little about my experience of these 😁. But first: What are voices? Here is an interesting video I bookmarked a while ago on the science of voices in the head I wanted to briefly mention that “voices” can take many forms, and are not always auditory. Sometimes they may consist of sensations, images, words, and thoughts, or any combination of these. I do not have any personal experience of negative voices. That doesn’t mean that I have never experiences voices being critical. They have been critical on many occasions, but I never detected any ill intention. As a disclaimer, I must declare that these explanations are in line with my belief system. They might, however, not align with yours. Ok, let’

Sometimes we try to intentionally trigger painful flashbacks. There are a number of reasons why that might be the case. It does depend on how one processed the trauma, and where one is on their healing journey. Here I am going to give you just one theory. 🙂 Background So, let’s start by saying that it is now fully acknowledged that personalities are naturally made up of parts . So, for example, let’s pretend that we find a person sexy, but we know they have a repulsive personality. Our decision of having sex with them depends on whether our horny part or our sensible one wins the internal debate.  However, these parts can actually take on lives of their own when we move on to trauma. Let’s start with the “basic” PTSD-inducing trauma, which causes primary dissociation . During trauma, our part-system creates a new part to handle the trauma. A so called Emotional Part. Now that part holds on to the all the neurological configuration at the time of the traumatic event. This includes de

  Intense week TW______________________ Losing a host - - - - - - - - - As is customary when we write, anybody in the system who wants to contribute is blended in, providing an interestingly balanced mix of views and perspectives. It has been a rollercoaster, we have had some very negative experiences, but these were interspersed with wonderfully fulfilling ones. As always, inner life is easier than anything that happens IRL. I’ll start with the biggest bad news of the week as it has had a considerable impact. This week, our last host “disappeared”. We called him #7 because we believe he was the 7th reincarnation of that specific host. We noticed that when we carry out a specific task, the host always ends up “breaking” and being replaced. This happened again on Monday after he did what he had to do. For us, the death of a host is devastating. Our inner world is quite limited. Therefore, the host is usually the one with the closest relationship to all the member of our inner fam. He

From personal experience, adult trauma can be overcome. It is possible to heal. In my case, I don’t know if it is because I had prior experience, so to speak, but I have been able to recover from stuff that happened in adulthood when given the chance. I guess we are talking about primary dissociation. Overall, when having the opportunity to talk about and process events and fallout, it is possible to put it all behind. Even when repeated over time (in my experience periods of up to 3 years of daily repetition of trauma) can be overcome when one dedicates appropriate time and effort to healing. Childhood trauma however stays. I guess that is what is called chronic. One may have periods of remission, sometimes lasting even long spells. Even decades. But there are relapses. That is simply the brain develops and works differently. This is what I learnt by living with my brain for a long-ish amount of time: Certainly when one experiences childhood trauma they will be more likely to develop